


Silver Dagger

by NataliaKyle



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Christian oppression, F/F, Fluff, Homophobia, I can’t stress enough that there are abuse trigger warnings and religious self penance in this, Like quite a lot of it, Mentions of drugs, Oppression, Please read with caution if any of this is triggering, Protective, Religion, They both know they’re gay, With madeup names, depictions of violence, tw: abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:40:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25154095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NataliaKyle/pseuds/NataliaKyle
Summary: Trixie and Katya have both grown up in deeply religious families, Katya had escaped her shackles when she moved from Russia to the US, but Trixie is still stuck in her bonds, will a chance meeting between the two change all of that? Will Katya ever be able to save Trixie from the oppressive life she is forced to live, or will Katya beware the silver dagger?Chapter 1 is more of a character introduction and background story.
Relationships: Trixie Mattel/Katya Zamolodchikova
Comments: 14
Kudos: 41





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is strictly to give backstories on both Trixie and Katya, there will be dialogue in all future chapters. 
> 
> As soon as I heard Dolly Parton sing Silver Dagger, I instantly thought of Trixya and how perfect this story would be for them.
> 
> I personally had a lot of trepidation with wanting to write this fic because I’m not keen on shipping real life people, but I just want to state, that I am strictly using their persona’s as female characters and not Brian and Brian, although some of Trixie’s story happens to mirror a few aspects of her own past from what she has revealed, again I want to state that is coincidental.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

Beatrice Leighanne Mattel came screaming into the world on a cold summers evening...

Beatrice never stood a chance from the moment she had been born. Just like her two siblings that came before, her mother hadn’t sought a hospital as she laboured, instead she had rushed to the town church in rural Wisconsin with the towns religious doctor where she could bare her child in front of Christ. This wasn’t special though as the young girl had come to learn as the same backwards practice was used for all her siblings, including the next two that came after her, as well as some of the other children of the church.

She had been christened with a name she had hated too, Beatrice just wasn’t her, it was too formal and sounded like she had been born an eighty-nine year old, as much as her family insisted on calling her that, she had shortened it to Trixie, it suited her and it brought a rare smile to her lips whenever she heard someone bother to call her that. There were a lot of things her family insisted upon her however; daily prayer, penance, obedience, conformity, attendance to every Sunday service and above all, treat each word of the bible like the only truth in this world. Trixie’s siblings and the other kids she was raised around might have been brainwashed to believe that, but Trixie didn’t, although she dare not ever say that or she would be whipped into next week. How could she believe the doctrine that was spewed at her every day when she went against everything they believed in? See, Trixie liked girls, she knew this and was secure with that fact within her heart, but it was her greatest secret, a secret she wished with everything that she didn’t have to keep, and yet she had to pretend. What she did pray for at night was for this not to be all there was for her life, that there had to be more, there had to be someone that understood her and would take her away from this place. She would pray for those things on her knees until the grain of the wood bore uncomfortably into her skin and made them ache. Silently, she begged for a new beginning.

Now at the age of twenty-two, Trixie worked at a local hair salon, something her mother and step father had been weary about, they hadn’t wanted her to be exposed to the sin of vanity, but Trixie had managed to convince them when she showed them how much she would be being paid. They were poor, that was no secret, Trixie and her siblings had to sew their own clothes and learn to make meals from anything they could find from unmarked food cans. With a job, she could help support her family although they took nearly everything she earned every month, stating that they needed it more than she did and that eventually they would find a good Christian man to marry her off to and that he would take care of her then, like her siblings before her. That was a day Trixie dreaded more than anything. Eventually when Trixie had been promoted to beauty technician, she hadn’t told her family and learned to squirrel away the extra money in her mattress so that one day, she’d have enough money to make it out of that house.

* * *

Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova came silently into the world on a freezing early morning...

Born into a deeply religious family in a small town just outside of Moscow, her parents had named her as soon as she was free from her mothers body, and the birth had been blessed by an old Russian orthodox priest that stood over her mother’s bedside. Her parents had high hopes for her, wanted nothing more than their daughter to grow up with Cristian values and morals and be a good Christian girl. That wish wasn’t to be, and Yekaterina was more than okay with that. In some aspects at least. She was gay, that much was very clear to her at a young age and she let her heart want what it wanted, she wasn’t afraid of her own feelings, however being with women was easier said than done, it was like a dirty secret that happened in the night, she just wished she could be open about who and how she loved. Her parents orthodox values, mixed with her countries hatred for people like her meant that could never happen. So with that heartache, Yekaterina turned to drugs, the only thing that made her feel free, although it was such a false sense of freedom, but when she couldn’t ever be herself, pretending was easier when she didn’t have to remember it. It was the part of her life that she was least proud of, her rocky and tumultuous past, but she would make new beginnings elsewhere.

At the age of twenty-six, Yekaterina shortened her name to Katya, packed up all of her belongings, got a shit tonne of tattoos and moved out to America, the country she had been taught all her life to despise. Katya had been working her whole twenties to obtain a green card without her family ever finding out and saved up enough money to know she could make a start there, it was something she was very proud of herself for doing, now she would finally be free. What had finally been the determining factor for leaving however, had been when her father had caught her in bed with another woman, she had been in her own apartment, but her father had decided to come over unannounced. Her family had disowned her from that moment on. In a way, it was a good thing, it meant she could break free of her bonds religion, her family and her country had restrained her with, but on the other hand, as awful as everything had been, she knew that in some small way, she’d miss what she would leave behind, it had been all she ever knew.

Katya had decided to move to a quiet place, somewhere unassuming, where she could live her life in peace, apparently that place she decided on had been a tiny town in rural Wisconsin. She’d gotten a good job as a Russian translator at the state’s embassy which was in the next town over, luckily being able to obtain a car had been easy and she could drive there everyday. Katya also had a decent home, although she quickly noticed after a few introductions, people stayed away from her house, mostly the deeply religious and patriotic crowd because apparently, finding out you had a Russian as a neighbour meant they had branded her some sort of communist spy, which could have been further from the truth. It didn’t help that she lived right across from their church, she noticed when they would steer their children away from her house, whisper rumours to each other while pointing. Because of that, she had mostly become a recluse so she wouldn’t have to interact with them. Katya had been living there for a year and most of the people had barely seen her face.

One day, there would come a moment when she would meet one particular resident of the town, a moment she would one day realise that her entire life had lead up to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is where the story truly starts, where they meet and the rest of the story will blossom from this moment, I hope you enjoy.

Long nights follow longer days in Trixie’s life. It was a Sunday, which meant it was a day of praying and Jesus and sabbath, but today, Trixie had to work at the salon, meaning she missed morning mass. This news did not go over well with Trixie’s parents, but she promised that she would attend the evening mass instead after work which managed to appease them, if just a little, she was sure they would still be mad at her though when she returned home that evening.

Tonight was colder than usual when Trixie left church, her bare arms wrapped around herself instinctively as she shivered. Snow enveloped the ground which was hard to walk and her feet instantly became numb. She wished she could drive so she wouldn’t have to make her way home on foot in the height of winter, ‘if only I could afford a coat, let alone a car’, Trixie thought to herself mockingly. Flakes of white snow flurried in the air, landing delicately against Trixie’s eyelashes, it seemed magical, but instead, she looked up to the sky and cursed God for bringing such awful weather constantly to their rural midwestern town. It was with this distraction that Trixie lost her footing on a patch of ice and came tumbling to the freezing ground, cutting her knee open and scraping the flesh of her palms, droplets of blood also rising to the surface as it mixed in with the grit and ice that covered her hands.

“Are you alright there?” Came a strange voice from above her.

Gazing upwards, Trixie was caught off guard by the most beautiful woman she had laid eyes on. Porcelain skin, bright cerulean eyes and long, choppy blonde hair framed with bangs over her forehead. The platinum blonde shone like a halo over her head from the light of the pale moon.

“I-I... I don’t know.” Trixie managed to stutter out of her mouth, and before she knew it, she was being hauled up to her feet by the other woman, with one arm around her waist and her other hand cupping her elbow.

“Let’s go fix you, I live just across the street there.” The mysterious woman pointed out.

Eyes darting to the house she was pointing to, it dawned on Trixie who this woman was. She had heard whispers among the church that she was a communist spy sent to terrorise their community and poison their children with anti-American slurs. Trixie never believed all that, she thought the people who spoke such idiotic things were always so quick to judge any outsiders who came into their town. Trixie had never actually seen her in the flesh before, but she knew she couldn’t be a bad person, not with the way she was taking care of her and handling her so gently as if she might break.

“Okay.” Was the only word Trixie responded with before she was being lead over to the other woman’s house, the whole way, the Russian was asking if she was okay and where it hurt the most.

“What is your name?” The woman with the strange accent finally asked.

“Trixie, Trixie Mattel.” She was excited to finally meet someone that she could introduce herself to by the name she preferred, the nickname her family refused to call her.

“Trixie, I like that.” The statement made Trixie blush and she had to look away from the other woman’s intoxicating gaze.

“What’s your’s?” She asked back, curious as to what name would possibly befit this interesting woman.

By now the front door to the house had been opened and the first thing to hit Trixie was the welcoming warmth that spread throughout her bones making her realise just how cold she was.

“Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova.” Yekaterina grinned wickedly as she watched the utter state of confusion on Trixie’s face.

“Y-Yekat-erina Pe-“ Trixie tried repeating before being cut off by the Russian.

“Don’t worry, you can call me Katya.” Katya’s grin morphed into a warm smile as she lead Trixie to a comfortable couch.

* * *

Sunday’s meant one thing, doing absolutely nothing and Katya was content in doing just that, nothing. She had been successful the whole day, only watching stupid TV shows and texting one of her friends Violet sporadically, however, Sunday’s were the days she smoked the most cigarettes as she had nothing else to occupy her mind.

Overall, the day had been uneventful, that was until she went out onto her front porch for a smoke and saw from her peripheral a head of blonde hair fall into the snow and not get back up. Katya had known in that instance something was wrong and as much as she knew the neighbourhood wasn’t a fan of hers, she rushed over to go and help. What she was greeted with was an innocent and young face contorted in a mixture of confusion, pain and something else Katya couldn’t quite identify. Katya had seen this woman before, almost always coming too and from church with her family, tonight she was alone and for some reason trudging her way home in the dark on dangerous, icy ground. She had invited her into her home so she could tend to her wounds, and that was how Trixie Mattel was now sat on her couch whilst she grabbed the first aid kit from the kitchen cupboard.

“So, Trixie.” Katya started as she knelt down onto the carpeted floor in front of the honey-blonde to fix the cut on her bloodied knee. “What made you think you could make your way home on foot in this snow? And in the dark no less.” Katya asked curiously as she began to wipe the blood that had trickled down Trixie’s pale leg.

“Oh, well I couldn’t get a ride, my step-dad is working so I had to make my own way home.” Trixie’s voice was soft, and almost convincing, as if she had said that line many times, but when Katya gazed up at the younger woman through her lashes, she could easily tell from her closed off body language that she was lying.

“That’s a shame. Either way, you shouldn’t be making your way home like that.” Katya paused, she had known this girl for less than ten minuets and she already felt a wave of protectiveness wash over her. “If you find yourself in this situation again, please knock on my door, I’ll give you a ride home.”

“That’s very kind of you, thank you Katya.” Trixie’s smile was sweet and kind, it brought warmth to Katya’s heart, and the way she spoke her name, it made her want to hear it a million times over.

“It’s no problem at all.” Trixie hissed once Katya started cleaning out the cut on her leg. “Sorry, I won’t be long I promise.”

After washing away the blood, Katya took two band-aids and gently placed them over the cut in a cross pattern and in a very bold move, leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to it.

“There, all better now.” Katya smiled brightly before getting up and sitting next to the younger woman and taking her hands, placing them in her lap as she washed away the dirt and drying blood on her palms.

* * *

Trixie’s heart was beating a million miles an hour the moment Katya started fixing her wounds, her words were as soft as her touch and her lips against her skin were even softer, even if it was just for a moment and in a way that she was sure was just supposed to make her feel better... And it did, immensely.

There was a lull of silence as Katya cleaned up her hands and Trixie took the time between flinches to take in her surroundings. The walls were a cream colour whilst the soft, carpeted floors were a deep red colour, there were paintings on the walls that upon closer inspection were very odd to look at, a lot of clashing colours and strange imagery, there were no photographs however, none of her life before moving here and none of her time spent here, it made Trixie wonder what kind of life this woman had, she found herself wanting to know. There was incense burning on a stick on the coffee table that gave the place even more of a warmth to it and Trixie couldn’t help but breathe deeper. There was a dark oak bookshelf pressed against the back wall that were completely filled with books, no gaps on any of the shelves, only a few of the titles seemed to appear in English, the rest were in Russian if the indistinguishable alphabet was anything to go by.

“So... Are you from Russia then?” Trixie asked, breaking the tender silence.

The bright blonde chuckled, but did not look up from her task.

“Yes, I’m from a small town outside of Moscow. I’m sure you already knew that though.” Katya looked up briefly once more from between her lashes and smirked.

Yes, Trixie had already heard the talk of the Russian lady from Moscow living in their town, but she was nothing like how they described her. The way people spoke of her you thought she would have had two heads or something.

“Why do people say the things they say about you?” Trixie asked innocently, her dark chocolate eyes gazing questioningly at the platinum blonde whose brow was furrowed in concentration.

“I do not know, kukla.” The Russian term of endearment slipped from her painted lips. “All I can tell you is that, people are scared of what they don’t understand. People here, they seem to be isolated and stuck in their ways, I bet you that most people that live here haven’t even left the state let alone the country, they react by what they have heard, American’s hear Russian, they think communist and enemy.” Katya explained as best as she could before pausing. “Do you think this way?” She asked.

“No.” Came Trixie’s immediate answer, she didn’t need to think twice about that, she knew what it felt like to be judged without reason.

Katya smiled at this, cupping both of Trixie’s hands with her own with a sense of finality.

“Good, then I believe we will get on fine, Trixie Mattel.” It was Trixie’s turn to smile at this statement, she prayed that they did, because she could use someone new in her life, someone she could truly get on with, someone that could make her smile the way Katya did within the short space of time she knew her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! Follow me on IG: @beatrice_mattel


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank my new friend who you may know on tumblr as katyasthwooorp for being so amazing during this time and fuelling me with encouragement and positivity, it has really helped me so much in writing this chapter so thank you Liz, love you!

It was quite apparent from the little time Trixie had spent in this new woman’s house, that she was eclectic and had a very unique taste. Trixie could sense this once she had looked around further into the home after Katya had offered to go make them some tea. It was clear that the Russian was a fan of daggers and knives, the silver glinted at her in the warm yellow light of the living area, one even had eyeballs decorating the hilt that made Trixie chuckle, it was kind of stupid and she loved it.

Moving over to the end table nearest the front door, Trixie found herself observing the cigarette packet Katya had left there. Picking it up, she felt the foreign weight of it it in her palms and with curiosity, she turned one out of the packet into her lithe fingers. The paper was surprisingly smooth and one end was squishy. Trixie had never actually held one of these before and there was something about it that sent a wicked thrill through her, but she had certainly smelled their aura before, mostly on her stepfather, that and the wretched stench of alcohol. One of the cigarettes had a red lipstick imprint on the butt, Trixie observed. That must have been where Katya had decided not to smoke that one, or maybe she had been interrupted. Trixie placed the packet back down with a resigned sigh, part of her wished she could have a chance to try a cigarette, just to feel any sense of freedom.

Speaking of lipstick, there was a tube of the product sitting there. Trixie felt a jolt of electricity coarse through her fingertips as she picked up the cool plastic. The honey-blonde had always, always, always, wanted to try makeup. She had seen it at the salon, middle-aged women pulling out their lipstick or blush pallet to reapply what had come off during their styling session. Trixie had always looked on with envy.

“Do you like lipstick?” A heavily accented voice spoke from behind her making Trixie jump and place her palm over her chest.

“Oh! Um- I’ve actually never worn it before... I’ve always wanted to though.” Trixie quickly placed the tube back down on the end table like a kid who had their hand caught in the cookie jar.

“You’ve never worn lipstick? Ever?!” Katya asked completely dumbfounded.

“Ever.” The shy blonde replied. “I’m,- Well I’m not really allowed.”

“Well that changes right now.” Katya quickly came bounding over and took the younger woman’s hand to drag her to her bedroom.

“I don’t think I should... My parents would kill me.”

As soon as Trixie had finished, the shorter of the two quickly rounded on her with a smile on her face.

“Well they’re not here now are they?” Katya replied with a wink. “And you’re a grown-ass adult who can make her own decisions right?”

“I guess so yeah.” Trixie could hardly argue with that, she was a grown woman. “And I guess I can take it off once we’re done.”

With that, Katya grinned devilishly which Trixie couldn’t help but reciprocate, the other woman’s smile was just too contagious.

* * *

Once Katya had mended the poor woman currently on her couch, she offered to make the two of them tea, hopefully that should warm the frozen woman a little. As Katya went to go get the teacups from the cupboard, she snuck a peak through the doorway and saw that her guest had decided to wander around her living room. Katya found herself with a smile painted on her face as Trixie took in her random objects and ornaments that she was sure would freak out the young woman. It turns out no, Katya noticed how she smiled and even chuckled at a couple of her things, she knew this woman would be cool. The platinum blonde was now openly leaning against the doorframe as she observed Trixie picking up her cigarettes and lipstick, this time without so much of a smile and more of a curious frown and a look of resignation.

If it was one thing Katya knew about, it was oppression, and when she gazed upon Trixie’s form, she noted that she was riddled with it. From her skirt that reached below her pale knees, to her lack of styling with her hair or omission of any makeup, it caused Katya pain just looking at how rigid Trixie was, she desperately wanted to change that. That’s how Katya ended up dragging the shy blonde into her bedroom and plopping her down in the vanity stool in front of the mirror.

Sweeping some products to the side, Katya also carelessly plonked her butt down on the vanity table so she was facing Trixie and slightly above her, both feet perched either side of the other woman’s thighs. The look on the honey-blondes face was priceless and caused Katya to flail laugh.

“Don’t look so scared, I’m not going to bite.” Katya chomped her perfect white teeth at the younger woman who visibly began to relax now and chuckled lightly.

“I know that, I’ve just never had someone be so friendly like this.” Katya lifted her chin so that Trixie’s dark eyes met Katya’s icy blues.

“Does that scare you?” Katya questioned, seriousness painted all over her face.

“No.” Came a whispered reply from Trixie’s lips.

“Good, because everyone should show friendliness towards one another.” Katya was all smiles again and preparing some different variety’s of lipstick from her makeup bag. “I know this town didn’t seem to get the memo in that regard.” She teased. “But with you? I have nothing but kindness.”

Trixie’s heart fluttered at the statement and she couldn’t help but lower her eyes as she blushed, but Katya forced her head up to meet her eyes again.

“Okay, first colour, let’s try a red on you.” Katya began applying the lip colour she uses the most on the younger woman, before getting up and letting Trixie see her reflection.

“Wow!” Trixie exclaimed, never seeing herself in makeup before and gazing happily at her lips that she hadn’t realised were so full. “If my mother could see me she would say I looked like a painted whore.” Trixie chuckled at the self deprecating comment, but Katya could sense the pain behind it.

Lowering her head, Katya rested her chin on Trixie’s shoulder and gazed at their reflections in the mirror, admiring just how beautiful Trixie really was.

“Well, I think you look beautiful little kukla, don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.” Katya wanted to do nothing more than wrap this woman up and protect her from the world right now. “Why would they say such things anyway?”

“Vanity is a wicked thing, I’m not allowed to take pride in it and I have always been told that red was a whore’s colour, but I think that’s stupid.”

Katya smiled sadly at the young woman sitting before her, she felt so badly for her that she was stuck with no place to go and no one to turn to it seemed.

““I said to myself, “Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good.” But that also proved to be meaningless.””

Trixie immediately turned to face the Russian, Katya could see how her eyes searched hers, looking for answers with confusion, and almost torment that began to riddle the rest of her features.

“Ex-Catholic, Russian Orthodox.” Was Katya’s only explanation before she got back up onto the vanity and began gently wiping off the lipstick to change colour.

“You grew up Catholic? What was that like?” Trixie’s tone was was that of curiosity and intrigue with a hint of wonderment.

“Where do I even start?” Katya huffed as she applied the next colour, a deep purple that she knew didn’t really suit Trixie’s complexion, but it was fun to try and she didn’t exactly have many colours to play with, she wanted to draw this out for as long as possible. “I can’t say it was any fun, but I did what I could to survive, then eventually I decided to walk away from that life.”

“Why?” Was Trixie’s immediate answer before she stuttered over herself, realising she had maybe been a little too keen to ask. “I mean, if you don’t mind sharing.”

“Well, homosexuality is a huge issue in our religion as you may know, but it is also a large social issue in my country, which again derives from religion. I always knew I was different, I always knew I liked girls, but I could never live my truth until I moved away from home and even then it was like a covert operation.” Katya paused before getting up again and letting Trixie take a look at herself once more. “I don’t think this is your colour.” Was all she added before jumping back onto the vanity once more, it seemed as though Trixie was more invested in Katya’s story anyway.

“You’re gay?” Trixie hoped her enthusiasm wasn’t mistaken for accusation.

“Yes... Why? Is that a problem?” Katya wouldn’t be at all surprised, she would assume that would be the doctrine Trixie would have been brainwashed with since birth, it had been for her too.

“No, not at all! I also like girls.” Trixie admitted, her face going pale, as if she had shocked even herself. “I’ve never been able to say that out loud to someone else before...”

“Feels good doesn’t it?” Katya queried as she wiped the lipstick from Trixie’s soft lips, taking her time to process this new information she had not been expecting from the younger woman.

All Trixie could do was nod slowly in agreement, taking her own time to process.

“I understand more than anyone Trixie, what it’s like to grow up in this religion and feel like no one sees you, but trust me little kukla, I see you.” This was the moment she needed, and with that, Trixie’s shell cracked as tears formed in her eyes.

“Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me, how long I have been waiting for for someone to tell me that.” A tear slipped down Trixie’s cheek that Katya was quick to catch with her thumb.

“C’mon, dry your eyes now, I have a colour that I think will look great on you.” The Russian’s expression was full of softness as she grabbed her last colour, one she never used, a pretty shade of pink.

The young blonde continued to sit there, this time in silence as she allowed Katya to apply the next colour, her warm palm continuing to cup her cheek with tenderness. The sensation flowed through their skin where it connected and was hard for the both of them to ignore.

With one last hop off of the vanity, she watched as Trixie grinned brightly, loving her new look.

“Oh wow! I love it! Pink is my favourite colour.” Trixie exclaimed, loving how well the colour suited her.

“Then here...” Katya extended her hand to the other blonde with the lipstick tube in her hand. “You can keep this, it doesn’t suit me anyway.”

Trixie looked dumbfounded at the act of kindness and generosity extended towards her.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, absolutely, now take it and put it on in secret. Next time I see you I’ll introduce you to eyeliner.” Katya’s Cheshire Cat smile was back in full force.

“How comes you are being so nice to me?” Trixie asked, breaking Katya’s heart just a little bit more.

“I see myself in you, and I know how much I wish I had someone like me to talk to when I had to live with my oppressive family.”

Maybe that was a little harsh, to criticise someone’s family like that, but clearly from the look on Trixie’s face, she agreed with that statement.

“Thank you Katya, I really hope we can meet again.” It was after she said this that Trixie’s eyes grew as wide as saucers and she leaped up from the stool. “Oh my god what time is it?!” Came Trixie’s panicked voice.

She caught sight of the clock on Katya’s bedside table and began hurrying towards the front door, the platinum blonde hot on her tail, concerned for Trixie’s reaction.

“It’s nearly nine! I was supposed to be home half an hour ago!”

“It’s okay, slow down, I’ll take you home if you want?” Katya already began reaching for her car keys, but Trixie was already out of the door and running away from her porch.

“I have to go! I’ll see you soon I promise.” Trixie called out as she ran down the street, Katya’s heart pounding all the way with every footfall of the younger woman, worried she would fall into the snow again. Little did Katya know, she should be worried about much worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I am @beatrice_mattel on Instagram, and @nataliakyle on tumblr. Thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: ABUSE 
> 
> Please let this be a warning to anyone that finds this kind of content triggering.
> 
> As always, a big thank you to my best friend Liz, love you lots and I know this has been a long time coming so here you go.
> 
> If anyone is actually following this story, then I’m sorry for the month and a half gap, I was dealing with the transition of being laid off my job to starting college.
> 
> Enjoy!

With burning, frostbitten lungs, Trixie had made it home in just under five minuets, running the whole time and trying desperately not to fall again. She hated that she had to leave the other woman’s house in such a hurry, but she couldn’t be late home, that just couldn’t happen or her parents would become suspicious.

Trixie got to the front door of her families rickety old house before she realised that she had been in such a hurry that she hadn’t taken off the beautiful pink lipstick that was painting her now cold, chapped lips.

“Shit!” Trixie hissed to herself, she didn’t have a mirror or anything to wipe it off with.

Frantically looking around, Trixie grabbed a handful of snow and scrubbed it roughly against her mouth and then wiped the rest of it away with the bottom of her long, moth-eaten dress.

Not even a moment later, the front door was being practically ripped off on its hinges as the silhouette of her mother loomed over her. All Trixie wanted to do in that moment was run, run away from what she knew would be inevitable, but instead, her mother had her ear between her rough thumb and fingers and was tugging her through the door.

“Where the hell have you been?!” Her mother exclaimed, not letting go of Trixie’s ear as she squeezed harder.

“I can explain!” Trixie yelled back as she flinched in pain.

“I send you to church to pray for forgiveness for not being there on the morning of the lords day, and now this!?”

“Momma, please! I-” Before she could even finish, she heard the stumbled footsteps of her stepfather and Trixie swallowed hard, knowing that she was really going to get it now, especially if he was drunk, which she had no doubt he was.

“Probably out sinnin’!” Her stepfather hollered in his thick southern accent before grabbing her roughly by the forearm and dragging her into the kitchen, if you could call it that.

“She’s always been trouble!” The next thing Trixie knew, she was being bent over the kitchen table, she prayed he would be merciful tonight and not lash her too harshly.

Unfortunately for Trixie, she wasn’t in for such luck tonight. Her stepfather removed his belt and drunkenly lashed the backs of her thighs until they were raw before he finally made her sink to her knees and handed her the belt, demanding her to whip herself in self penance, all the while begging for forgiveness from the lord for her disobedience... He made her whip with the buckle end until the back of her dress was torn and her skin was bleeding. That night she sobbed into her pillow, not being able to lay on her back from the pain. The only peace that came to her was thinking about the happiness she had felt when she had been with Katya, how comfortable she felt. No one had ever made her feel so accepted before. All she could see that night behind her eyelids were Katya’s bright blue eyes, gazing at her like she could see into her very soul, and she could feel the gentle touch of her fingers against her chin and her cheek whilst she had applied lipstick to her lips. Trixie wanted desperately to go back to that.

* * *

That night and nearly every night onwards for that week, all Katya could think about was the young girl with the honey blonde hair and the chocolate coloured eyes. She couldn’t stop remembering the soft delicate feeling of her skin on her fingers, or the plumpness of her lips as she had applied the varying shades oflipstick to her cold, chapped lips. Katya worried for her too, she wondered if she had been okay after leaving in such a hurry that night. Trixie seemed to be all she could think about all day everyday, she even found herself thinking of her at work, becoming distracted to the point of being asked if she was okay by her co-workers. This had never happened before, never in her life had another woman left such an impression on her and only after a day of knowing each other.

After that day, Katya was itching to see Trixie again, she for some reason yearned to spend more time with her, and she wanted to tell her this but knew that it might sound very strange. However, she knew Trixie had wanted to see her again, she had said they would see each other again when she had ran from her house that Sunday night... Maybe she didn’t really mean it, maybe she had just been polite. Katya found herself wondering in disbelief why she was already so hung up on this girl?

After that night, Katya had found herself hanging out on her front porch more often in hopes of catching a glimpse of the other woman, maybe she could speak with her some more, at least to ask how she is.

It wasn’t until the next week however that she would see her again and Katya knew she would see her because it was a Sunday and she knew she went to the church just opposite her house, she had seen her there before on Sunday mornings. Sure enough, at eight in the morning on the dot whilst she held a book she was reading in one hand, and holding a cigarette with the other, Katya witnessed the beautiful blonde stepping towards the church with the rest of her family, her head bowed towards the ground as she shuffled across the still icy pavement. The platinum blonde prayed that she would look up, she so desperately wished to see her eyes once again.

Then there they were, as clear as day. Brown eyes met blue and Katya couldn’t keep the wide grin off of her face even if she tried, her pearly whites flashing for all to see. Trixie smiled back, her sweet lips pulling into the most beautiful expression Katya had ever seen, but as quick as it had come, it was gone again when Trixie’s mother caught the interaction and slapped the blonde upside the head... Her head bowed sorrowfully once more and Katya felt her heart clench painfully. It was like looking in a mirror of her past self, forced to be someone you didn’t want to be.

It broke her heart to watch her vanish once more into the church, but Katya had a plan, she needed to see Trixie again and she would do just about anything to be near her once more, so with a total lack of regard for the book she was reading, Katya tore out the back page that was blank and grabbed a pen, scribbling down a carefully penned note to the woman she wished to see again.

* * *

An hour went by of Trixie listening to the same old rhetoric she heard spewed at her every week, and whilst her parents listened to the priest intently, Trixie had many other things on her mind. The thought of a certain blonde crept into her thoughts, the same blonde who had cared for her so sweetly just the week before and the very same that she had seen when she had arrived here. Trixie had hoped she would see her outside her house, the one she wished she could be in right now instead of in this cold, hard building. Her only wish now was to be alone after this was over, and come running over to Katya’s house to spend some more time with her, but with her parents around, she knew that wasn’t possible. In fact, Trixie probably couldn’t see the other woman in broad daylight without the gossip being fed back to her parents and the last thing she wanted was more lashings, her back and thighs were still so sore from her beating the week prior, that sitting on the hard, wooden pew for so long had become a struggle to the point that the only thing she prayed for was for the pain to just stop and have this service over and done with already.

Eventually service was over and her parents decided that today of all days would be a good idea to stay behind and speak with the pastor, possibly about her, they were probably going to ask for advice on how gain control of their daughter again. She knew that this was the case for certain when Trixie asked to go outside for some air, and they let her, normally they didn’t leave her out of their sight when they were around, but today they were clearly happy to be rid of her.

“Beatrice, take your siblings with you.” Her mother hollered after her as she began to leave.

With a hesitant nod, Trixie made her way out of the church with her siblings in tow, her head bowed as to not make eye contact with all the very intimidating Jesus on crucifixes, she was sick of seeing them, they were plastered all over her house and then every week she had to stare at them in this forsaken place. As she made her way outside into the bitter cold, Trixie wrapped her arms around herself as to shield herself from the cold. Instinctively she looked towards the place that she would rather be, Katya had been there when she had arrived over and hour ago, and to her surprise, she was still there, now wrapped in a blanket as she read her book.

Looking towards her siblings she told them to go and play, to which they looked at her with trepidation, knowing that their parents would never let them play out on the lords day, and Trixie knew that she would get into trouble for it, but she would give anything just to spend a small moment with Katya. Luckily no one was around and better yet, Katya looked up from her book, making real eye contact with Trixie for the first time.

A bright smile broke out onto Katya’s face and Trixie had briefly forgotten just how white the Russian’s teeth were and it made her own smile brighten more than it ever had in her life. A warmth spread through her that she had never felt before, and now she didn’t feel so cold. Trixie knew she needed to make this quick as she wasn’t sure how much time she had for this interaction to be safe. Luckily Katya made the situation easier for her, by heading off of her porch and heading towards her in the snow, her blanket still wrapped around her.

“Hey-“ Trixie began but Katya interrupted her by pressing a single scarlet, manicured finger against her lips, before she felt her other hand caress her own, looking down, Trixie realised that the platinum blonde had pressed a piece of paper into her palm and before she could question why, Katya had moved away from her and was travelling back to her porch, a new, unlit cigarette between her fingers, ready to be lit.

As confused as she was, Trixie looked around her to make sure no one was observing her, before carefully opening the piece of paper in her palm. Inside, was a carefully penned note that read:

“Trixie, if you can find a way, and find it in your heart, please come and see me tonight.” Trixie’s heart melted at the swirling cursive ink addressed to her. The way her name was written so elegantly, it made her enjoy her name that much more. Gazing upward from the paper in her fingers, Trixie noted that Katya was still there, right on her porch, the look on her face was of pure earnestness, one that begged for an answer. Before Trixie could give one however, Trixie noted the crunch of ice from behind her and quickly shoved the note far down into her pocket.

“Beatrice! Why would you let them out of your sight?!” Her mother hissed at her before grabbing her wrist, signalling that she was in fact, in trouble.

“Momma, people are watching.” She knew that if people were looking, her mother would be less harsh with her and hopefully by the time they got home, she would have forgotten about it. Trixie’s mother looked up with scrutiny to Katya across the street, Trixie noted a sadness in her eyes and looked down in shame.

“Who that devil woman? What is she even doin’ out here anyway?” Trixie’s mother asked as she let go of Trixie’s wrist.

“Probably sellin’ our information to the commie government as we speak.” Her stepfather grunted as her caught up. Finally they began walking home, her siblings falling in line.

With one last glance back at Katya, she gave a silent nod and a small sweet smile before hurrying along back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Instagram @beatrice_mattel and on tumblr @nataliakyle


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